Talk to Yourself Like Someone You Love: Mindful Self-Compassion in Real Life
Written By Latosha Walker
Founder & CEO, Wondering.Waves | Military Spouse | Creator | Storyteller
Published: November 10, 2025
Day 10: Talk to Yourself Like Someone You Love: Mindful Self-Compassion in Real Life — a wrap-up of this chapter on self-talk, kindness, and reframing the inner critic. Today’s post brings together the lessons of the past week and invites you to practice turning gentle attention inward, with a hands-on exercise for self-compassion. (Next up: we’ll explore the theme of Joy!)
“Talk to yourself like someone you love.” – Brené Brown
Personal Reflection
If I’m honest, even as I begin this journey of mindfulness, I still catch myself slipping into old patterns of self-talk. Just this past weekend, my parents, my husband, and I loaded up the car and headed to San Antonio for a big family adventure—a trip that deserves its own post, but one that brought up all sorts of emotions for me.
We were going to meet my newest, oldest uncle and his wife for the very first time—a connection we discovered this year through a DNA test on Ancestry.com. I’ll be 100% honest: I was stressed out at first. I didn’t know what to expect. Family gatherings can go either way, and the old swirls of “Am I good enough?” and “What if we don’t click? Will this be another person who walks away?” started up in my mind.
But then I remembered the very thing I’ve been writing about all week: self-talk matters. I reminded myself that I could choose to be kind, to speak to myself like someone I love. So, as we drove through the Texas landscape, I set an intention for the weekend—to make the entire experience intentionally mindful. I wanted to truly listen, engage in conversation, and be present for every moment, no matter what it brought.
And (I think I’ve mentioned this before, but maybe not!)—before the Navy Day Ball, I treated myself to a new green leather journal cover that zips up and holds all my things, a loop for my pen, and space for a good-sized journal. I brought it with me, promising myself that if I needed to jot down thoughts or reflections, I’d write them in my notebook—not my phone—so I could stay present and not get pulled down the rabbit hole of technology.
What unfolded was more beautiful than I could have imagined. My uncle shared stories from his Air Force days, about his life, his kids, grandkids, and even great-grandkids. It was my uncle’s and aunt’s 40th wedding anniversary, so we got to celebrate their special day—uniting our families in the most unexpected, joyful way. He even gave us his phone number and encouraged us to join them for Christmas or Thanksgiving. (We’ll probably be with my husband’s family for Thanksgiving—fingers crossed!—but I’m genuinely looking forward to hopefully spending Christmas or New Year’s with them.)
Honestly, it was a gift to be fully engaged in the conversations and the environment. Each time that inner critic tried to whisper doubts, I gently reminded myself: “Talk to yourself like someone you love.” The result? A weekend full of connection, new stories, and the kind of joy that only comes when you’re truly present.
Family adventure at the San Antonio Riverwalk—together, joyful, and present in the moment.
Mindful Moments on the River
One of my favorite memories from the weekend was our Go Rio San Antonio River Cruise. As we drifted along the water, I found myself completely absorbed in the flow of the moment. The gentle hum of the boat’s motor blended with the laughter of my family and the lively commentary of our guide, who shared stories of the Riverwalk’s history, its bridges, and the colorful characters who shaped San Antonio.
I snapped photos of the sun bouncing off the water, the lush greenery trailing down the stone walls, and the vibrant umbrellas lining the riverside cafés. But more than anything, I treasured the feeling of being surrounded by my new-found family, listening to my uncle’s stories and seeing the joy on everyone’s faces as we explored the city together.
I made a conscious choice to put my phone away between photos, letting myself soak up the sights, sounds, and even the cool breeze that swept across the water. There was something grounding about simply being present—no rushing, no worrying about the next stop, just listening, noticing, and savoring the richness of the experience.
That cruise reminded me that mindfulness isn’t just an internal practice; it’s also about sharing meaningful moments with others, letting curiosity lead, and allowing joy and gratitude to bubble up, even in unexpected places.
Review of Lessons from the Chapter
Over the past ten days of this mindfulness series, I’ve discovered—right alongside you—that mindful self-talk is one of the most powerful tools for personal growth and emotional well-being. Mindfulness isn’t just about sitting quietly or breathing deeply; it’s about paying attention to the words we use with ourselves, and how those words shape our mindset, our sense of agency, and the energy we bring to daily life.
Here are some of the key lessons and exercises we’ve explored:
Mindful Self-Talk: We practiced noticing the tone and content of our inner dialogue. For example, when I caught myself thinking, “I’m so behind on everything,” I paused to ask: Is that really true? What evidence do I have? This one simple pause helped me reframe my thoughts and offer myself more grace.
Reframing the Inner Critic: One favorite exercise was writing down a critical thought and then rewriting it as if I were speaking to a friend. “I always get this wrong” became “I’m still learning, and every attempt helps me grow.” This small shift made a big difference in my mood and motivation.
Shifting Language from Obligation to Choice: We explored the impact of changing “I have to…” or “I need to…” into “I choose to…” or “I’m looking forward to…” This not only boosted my sense of agency, but also helped me approach daily tasks with more positivity.
No Name-Calling Rule: I challenged myself (and you!) to notice when the inner critic used harsh labels or absolutes—words like “always,” “never,” or “failure.” Instead, I practiced speaking to myself with the same kindness and patience I’d offer a loved one.
Mindful Moments in Everyday Life: Whether it was pausing at my kitchen table, breathing through a moment of overwhelm, or staying present during a family gathering, these practices helped me anchor in the present and respond with compassion.
Each of these mindfulness exercises builds a foundation of self-compassion and resilience. By making these small, intentional shifts, we’re not only transforming our own inner world—we’re also creating space for deeper connection, greater joy, and more authentic relationships with others.
Deep Dive: Why Self-Compassion Matters
If there’s one thing this chapter has taught me, it’s that self-compassion isn’t just a feel-good buzzword—it’s a game-changer for mental health, creativity, and relationships. When we practice mindful self-talk and treat ourselves with kindness, we build resilience for life’s ups and downs.
Research by Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading self-compassion expert, shows that people who are kinder to themselves experience less anxiety and depression, and greater motivation and life satisfaction. Self-compassion doesn’t mean letting ourselves off the hook or ignoring mistakes. Instead, it means acknowledging our struggles with honesty and warmth, then encouraging ourselves forward.
I’ve noticed that when I respond to my own mistakes or doubts with gentleness instead of criticism, everything shifts. My mood softens, my creativity opens up, and I have more patience for others—especially during stressful times or big family events like this weekend’s adventure. It’s like giving myself a safe place to land, no matter what happens.
Practicing self-compassion also helps break the cycle of perfectionism and self-doubt. When I catch my inner critic and choose a kinder response, I’m more willing to try new things, take creative risks, and forgive myself for being human. That’s the true heart of mindfulness: not just noticing, but meeting ourselves with love.
Exercise: Reframing the Inner Critic
This week’s wrap-up exercise is all about catching your inner critic in action and gently transforming those thoughts into something kinder and more supportive. Here’s how you can practice:
Step 1: Pause and Listen Take a few minutes today to notice your self-talk. Is there a critical or demanding voice in your mind? Write down any thoughts that sound harsh, absolute, or self-defeating. (It might help to jot these in a journal—bonus points if you use pen and paper instead of your phone!)
Step 2: Challenge the Critic For each thought, ask yourself:
Is this absolutely true?
What’s the real evidence for or against it?
Am I speaking in absolutes (“always,” “never”) or specifics?
Would I say this to someone I love?
Step 3: Rewrite with Kindness Now, reframe each criticism as if you were speaking to a dear friend. How can you turn the harshness into encouragement, patience, or understanding?
Here’s a recent example from my own life:
After our big family weekend, I caught myself thinking, “What if I didn’t say the right thing? Maybe I was too quiet, or not interesting enough.”
But then I remembered to pause and reframe: “I showed up with an open heart and listened with genuine curiosity. My presence was enough, and being myself is always the right choice.”
Step 4: Notice the Shift After you rewrite your self-talk, pause and notice how you feel. Is your body more relaxed? Is your mood lighter? Does it change how you approach your next task or conversation?
Step 5: Practice Throughout the Day Whenever you catch the inner critic popping up, repeat this process. With practice, you’ll find it gets easier to meet yourself with kindness—and that kindness will naturally ripple outward.
Reflection & Gentle Challenge
As we close this chapter, I invite you to truly notice the way you speak to yourself—not just in the quiet moments, but in the busy, messy, beautiful ones too. Maybe it’s while you’re sipping your morning coffee, folding laundry, or driving home as the Texas sun sets low over the horizon. Listen for the voice that says “not enough” or “too much,” and see if you can meet it with softness instead of judgment.
Try this: next time your inner critic pipes up, pause and place a hand over your heart. Take a slow breath and ask, “What would I say to a dear friend right now?” Then, rewrite your thought with that same warmth and understanding. Notice if your shoulders relax, if your breath deepens, if your mood shifts even a little.
I’d love to hear how this practice feels for you. If you try the exercise, share your experience in the comments below or send me a message—your stories are what make this community so special.
Remember: kindness starts within. The more we offer it to ourselves, the more it radiates outward—flooding our days, our families, and our communities with warmth and understanding.
Next, we’ll turn our attention to Joy—how to find it, nurture it, and let it light up even the most ordinary days. I hope you’ll join me as we continue this journey together.
With warmth and wonder,
Latosha