Choose Your Words Wisely: Turning Obligation Into Choice
Written By Latosha Walker
Founder & CEO, Wondering.Waves | Military Spouse | Creator | Storyteller
Published: November 9, 2025
Day 9 of my mindfulness series—exploring how the words we choose shape our mindset, our sense of agency, and the energy we bring to daily life.
The Weight of “Have To”
This morning, as I was getting ready to drive Matt to work (yes, still a one-car family!), I caught myself grumbling, “Ugh, I have to get up early again.” The words slipped out before I could stop them, and suddenly the whole morning felt heavier. “Have to.” “Need to.” “Should.” These phrases have a way of piling up, turning even the simplest tasks into burdens.
I started to notice just how often I use these words—sometimes out loud, more often in my head. “I have to finish that blog post.” “I need to answer those emails.” “I should really tidy up the kitchen before bed.” Each one carries a little weight, a sense of obligation, as if I’m being pushed through my day by an invisible to-do list.
Latosha stands in her cozy Texas kitchen, thoughtfully looking at a to-do list as morning sunlight streams in. Matt waves from the doorway, and a mug of coffee sits on the counter—a moment of mindful intention, gentle agency, and warmth.
Obligation vs. Choice: A Subtle Shift
But here’s the thing: not every “have to” is truly an obligation. Sure, there are real responsibilities—getting Matt to work on time, showing up for a meeting, keeping a promise. But so many of the things I label as “have to” are actually choices. I want a tidy kitchen before bed because it helps me wake up feeling calm. I want to write because it brings me joy and connection. Even the early morning drive, as much as I’d love to sleep in, is a chance to share a few quiet moments with my husband before the day rushes in.
What changes when I say, “I’m going to drive Matt to work,” or “I want to tidy the kitchen tonight”? The task itself doesn’t change—but my mindset does. Suddenly, I’m acting from a place of agency, not obligation. I’m choosing, not just complying.
The Language of Pressure
I’ve noticed that when my to-do list is full of “have to,” “need to,” and “should,” my stress multiplies. Each phrase adds another layer of pressure, like stacking bricks on my shoulders. The list itself doesn’t get any longer, but the way I talk about it makes it feel heavier.
I tried a little experiment this week: rewriting my to-do list using more neutral, intentional language. Instead of “I have to finish the order for Wondering.Waves,” I wrote, “I’m going to finish the order.” Instead of “I need to reply to emails,” I wrote, “I’m choosing to reply to emails this afternoon.” It felt lighter—like I was inviting myself into the day, not dragging myself through it.
When Obligation Is Real (and When It’s Not)
Of course, some things really are non-negotiable. Matt needs a ride to work; appointments have set times; bills must be paid. But even then, I can choose how I frame the task. “I will drive Matt to work so he can start his day.” “I’m going to the appointment I scheduled.” “I’m paying bills to keep our home running smoothly.” These words don’t erase responsibility, but they shift the energy from resentment to purpose.
Other times, “have to” is just a habit. “I have to tidy the kitchen before bed.” But what’s the consequence if I don’t? Will the world end if there are a few dishes in the sink overnight? Maybe I just prefer waking up to a clean space. In that case, it’s not an obligation—it’s a choice I’m making for my own peace of mind.
The Mindset of Choice
This shift isn’t just semantics—it’s a practice in self-awareness. When I pay attention to my language, I become more honest about what I’m truly obligated to do and what I’m choosing because it matters to me. I feel less like a passenger in my life and more like the driver.
It’s a practice I’m still learning. There are days when “should” and “have to” sneak in, especially when I’m tired or overwhelmed. But the more I notice, the easier it is to pause and rephrase: “I choose to…” “I want to…” “I’m going to…” These words bring me back to myself, reminding me that I have agency, even on the busiest days.
Two Mornings: Obligation vs. Choice
A few weeks ago, I woke up to a packed schedule—Matt needed a ride to work before sunrise, I had a Wondering.Waves order to finish, emails piling up, and a volunteer commitment later that afternoon. As soon as my alarm went off, the list started running through my head: “I have to get up. I have to drive Matt. I have to finish that order. I need to answer those emails. I should squeeze in a workout.” Each task felt heavier than the last, and by the time I was pouring my first cup of coffee, I felt exhausted before the day had even begun.
I moved through the morning in a fog, feeling resentful and pressured. Even the things I usually enjoy—crocheting, writing, connecting with my community—felt like chores. I kept thinking, “If I can just get through this list, maybe I’ll feel better.” But the weight of obligation just grew heavier.
A few days later, I tried something different. The night before, I rewrote my to-do list, swapping out “have to” and “need to” for “I’m going to” and “I choose to.” The next morning, I woke up and told myself, “I’m going to drive Matt to work so he can have a good day. I’m choosing to finish this order because I love the way my dolls bring comfort. I want to answer emails so I can stay connected with my community.” The tasks themselves hadn’t changed, but my attitude had.
That day, I felt lighter—more in control, more at peace. Each action felt purposeful, not just a box to check. Even when unexpected things popped up (like a last-minute errand or a phone call from a friend who needed support), I found it easier to adapt. The pressure was still there, but it didn’t feel as suffocating. I was moving through my day with intention, not just obligation.
Words and Creativity: How Language Shapes My Maker Mindset
I’ve noticed that the language I use doesn’t just affect my mood—it shapes my creativity, too. In earlier posts, I wrote about how my inner critic can turn even joyful routines into sources of stress. When I say, “I have to finish this doll tonight,” the process feels rushed and pressured, and I start to worry about every little mistake. My hands tense up, my stitches get tighter, and the flow that usually comes with making is replaced by a sense of racing the clock.
But when I shift my language to, “I’m going to work on this doll tonight because I love bringing these little creations to life,” something changes. My shoulders relax, my breath slows, and I find myself enjoying the process again. The same goes for writing—when I tell myself, “I have to write a blog post,” it feels like a chore. But when I say, “I want to share a story today,” the words come more easily, and my authentic voice shines through.
This mindful approach to language has also helped me with energy management. In my post about batching and time-blocking, I talked about protecting my creative mornings and giving myself permission to rest. When I frame my routines as choices—“I’m choosing to spend the morning on creative work,” or “I’m going to take a break to recharge”—I feel more in tune with my needs. The guilt of “should” and “have to” fades, replaced by a sense of gentle ownership.
It’s a lesson I’m still learning, especially on days when my to-do list is long and my energy is low. But every time I pause and rephrase, I’m reminded that I have the power to shape not just my schedule, but my experience of it.
Language and Relationships: How Words Shape Connection
I’ve also noticed that the words I choose don’t just impact my own mindset—they ripple out into my relationships. When I tell Matt, “I have to pick you up from work,” it can sound like he’s a burden, even though that’s not what I mean. But when I say, “I’m going to pick you up,” or “I get to see you after your shift,” it feels more like a shared moment, a choice I’m making for us. The energy shifts from obligation to appreciation.
The same is true with friends and my creative community. When someone asks for a favor or invites me to an event, I’m learning to check my language before replying. Instead of “I have to see if I can fit it in,” I try, “I’d love to join you if I can.” When I need to decline, I’m practicing honesty without guilt: “I’m choosing to rest tonight, but thank you for thinking of me.” These small changes help me honor both my boundaries and my relationships, making space for kindness and clarity.
Even in my work with Wondering.Waves, I see the difference. When I communicate with customers or collaborators, framing my commitments as choices—“I’m excited to create this custom doll for you,” or “I’m looking forward to our workshop”—builds trust and enthusiasm. It reminds me, and everyone I work with, that this journey is one I’m choosing, not one I’m trapped in.
A Gentle Challenge: Try Shifting Your Words
If you’re reading this and noticing how often “have to,” “need to,” or “should” show up in your own self-talk, you’re not alone. It’s a habit so many of us pick up without realizing—especially when life feels busy, uncertain, or out of our control.
This week, I invite you to join me in a small experiment. For one day—or even just one moment—try swapping out obligation words for language of choice and intention. Instead of “I have to do the laundry,” try “I’m going to do the laundry so I can enjoy fresh sheets.” Instead of “I need to call my friend,” try “I want to check in on my friend because I care about her.” Notice how these shifts feel in your body, your mood, and your relationships.
It might feel awkward at first, or even a little forced. That’s okay. Like any mindful practice, it takes time to unlearn old habits and build new ones. But with each gentle reframe, you’re reminding yourself that you have agency, that your life is made up of choices—even in the smallest routines.
Closing Reflection: The Power of Mindful Language
Looking back on this series so far, I’m struck by how much the words we choose matter—not just for productivity or positivity, but for the way we experience our days. When I speak to myself with language of choice, I feel lighter, more grounded, and more connected to the people and projects I care about.
So here’s my hope for you (and for myself): May we choose our words as carefully as we choose our yarn, our colors, or our morning rituals. May we give ourselves permission to change “have to” into “want to,” “need to” into “choose to,” and “should” into “I will.” And may we notice, with gentle curiosity, how these small shifts add up to a more joyful, intentional life.
With mindful intention and encouragement,
Latosha